Living in the Moment: Worrying (1/5)
I remember feeling like this sometimes, maybe you do too.
It is Sunday night. You have to get up and go to work tomorrow morning. You start dwelling upon this thought, “I have to go to work tomorrow.” You cannot help it, you imagine yourself sitting at your desk, staring at a stack of papers and a computer, and having to deal with overly demanding people all day.
You worry.
You try not to think about it, you try to live in the moment. But it is useless. You just can’t help it. Your mind keeps throwing up images of tomorrow.
You continue to worry, until you find some distraction . . . maybe a book and some wine.
So much for living in the moment, so much for years of meditation – you can’t even face a routine Sunday night without worrying about tomorrow morning.
What is one to do?
I want to return to this question in the next post.
See you then.
Tallis
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Important post, thank you! I think those kind of feelings are familiar to us all. For me it was helpful to realize that there's no way to escape the future; helpful to realize it through experience, not just through intellect. Tomorrow will come and it's much more easier to let it come without trying to escape it. For me the practice of zazen and wholehearted practicing of Buddhism has helped a lot. I used to worry a lot when I was younger so I can say Buddhism has made me more simple, more humble. When the mind is not so crowded, it's more easier to see the real situation and how our mind creates things. Life is a continuous practice and for me the daily zazen is essential to keep my mind shut. When those shitty feelings come, I'll let them come and I'll let them go; if I try to fight against my mind, I'm fighting with delusional thoughts against delusion so for me it's much better to just let go. It's a kind of surrendering, to let this moment to be just like it is. But for me, life is continuous practice and I think it's for everyone. Even Buddha had to continue practicing meditation after his big realization under the bodhi tree. But it's not a matter what there's is in the future or in the past, it's a matter of what is in here. And because we can't get a grip from this moment by our thoughts, we can't drop our deluded thoughts by thinking. But we can experience this moment and we can experience this moment by practicing meditation or in my case, zazen. But I think if we keep thinking that "I've practiced soooo long and I still feel like shit", we're creating new delusions... "saint" is just a idealistic illusion. We are humans and we make mistakes and we can learn from our mistakes; no one is perfect. And by practice, we can balance our body and mind and to be more aware of our mistakes and thoughts... where's is our practice? It's in here, right here, right now. And we keep practicing every day, trying to do our best, to help ourselves and others, not worrying too much... I have had always very "busy" mind and I have thought things through intellect and by the practice of zazen, my life has become more stable. When shit happens, shit happens but nowadays shit won't happen so often than it used to do years ago.
ReplyDeleteWell, just my stupid thoughts. Looking forward to read your thoughts and new post! What is one to do? For me, I'll keep on sitting, living my daily life with ups and downs, trying to do my best, being simple and stupid. When it's time to cry, I'll cry. When it's time to laugh, I'll laugh.
Thank you, Tallis! Take care!
Uku,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. Wow!, what great points: ‘when the mind is not so crowded, it’s easier to see the real situation'; ‘life is a continuous practice’; ‘let the shitty feelings come and go’; ‘saint is just a idealistic illusion’. ‘surrender to this moment, let it be what it is’.
I agree with everything you have said. That is why I must warn you that it may seem like I am disagreeing with you in the next posts, but I am not.
Figuring this out together. Tallis
Since I'm disabled and don't work (other than keeping my blog updated), I don't have that worry anymore. But alas, I still can't escape it. : (
ReplyDeleteANYTIME I have a doctor or dentist's appointment, I fret about it the night before. Just knowing that it's out there waiting for me bugs the hell out of me.
I've made progress though in the last few years. At least now, I only fret about it the night before. In the past, I would sometimes fret about it all week!
Worrying is like a rocking chair,
ReplyDeleteIt gives you something to do, but bring you no where.
Or It is scratching the bum when the head is itchy...